Navigating Career and Motherhood
Your mornings start with a rush not unlike the opening bell at the stock exchange. Between prepping breakfasts that are often more about negotiation than nutrition, and scrolling through an inbox that's already clamoring for your attention, the line between your roles as a mother and a career professional blurs. You're constantly negotiating time zones, not just between office and home, but between heart and ambition. This is your world: where work meetings and pediatrician appointments are given equal weight on your calendar, and each day feels like a promise to keep to both your children and your career.
So, how do we navigate these dual demands without feeling like we're constantly shortchanging one for the other? How do we mold a self that doesn't feel splintered between office and home? This blog post is not about sharing tips on time management or how to negotiate flexibility in your job—though those are important.
We're diving into the messy, beautiful reality of being a working mother.
The Reality of Being a Working Mom
Consider the story of Emily, a consultant on the path to leadership who faces a daily tug-of-war between her career ambitions and her role as a mom to a young toddler. Every morning, as she left her baby with the sitter, she felt a tug at her heart, a pang of guilt mixed with a yearning not to miss out on these irreplaceable first months. Her emotional turmoil didn't stop there. Once at work, she faced the immense pressure to perform as if nothing in her life had altered, even though everything had.
Like Emily, you might find your priorities evolving. Perhaps the professional goals that once motivated you now seem out of sync with your current life. Maybe you're questioning your drive at work or feel that your career growth has plateaued. These shifts in perspective and ambition are not just common—they're an integral part of transitioning into motherhood.
The process of becoming a mother involves much more than the physical adjustments like sleepless nights or breastfeeding. It encompasses a significant transformation in your identity and priorities. This stage can lead to profound internal debates about the value you place on your career versus your family life.
It's important to recognize these feelings as typical aspects of entering motherhood. Acknowledging them is the first step in navigating these changes without feeling isolated or overwhelmed. Whether you're adjusting to the immediate demands of a newborn or managing the ongoing challenges of raising a toddler while maintaining a career, the journey is continuous and evolving.
The Temptation to Do It All
Every working mother faces the temptation to rush through this life transition, to quickly become the superwoman who excels at everything. It's a compelling image: flawlessly managing both a career and motherhood. What happens when we try to accelerate this process, ignoring the profound changes that reshape our lives?
When we rush, we often miss the delicate, formative processes that are essential to adapting to our new roles. Like trying to skip chapters in a book, we lose the narrative thread that helps us make sense of our story. This rush can leave us feeling incomplete, as though we are constantly catching up with ourselves, never quite fitting comfortably into our lives.
Conversely, there are those of us who resist this new reality, clinging to the hope that life will soon revert to 'normal.' This resistance to accept that our professional lives are forever changed with the addition of motherhood only deepens the struggle. It's a defense mechanism, perhaps, but one that ultimately prolongs the discomfort and delays the integration of our dual identities.
Tips to Navigate Career and Motherhood
Give Your Expectations a Reality Check
The idea that we can ‘have it all’ is a myth that our society perpetuates, but the reality is, we can’t. We can’t be in two places at once, and we can’t give 100% to our jobs and our families at the same time. A working parent cannot replicate the constant availability of a stay-at-home mom or dad. It’s not a matter of being a ‘bad’ parent or not caring enough about your children. It’s just a simple fact of life - there are only so many hours in the day, and something has to give.
More often than not, working parents work tirelessly to provide a loving, nurturing environment for their children. What is usually not talked about is the certain trade-offs. We might not be able to attend every school event or spend as much time helping with homework, but that doesn’t make us any less dedicated as parents.
For us women of color, these realities are often compounded by systemic biases and cultural expectations that place an even greater burden on our shoulders. We may face additional pressures to exceed professional standards just to receive equal recognition and opportunities. At the same time, we might encounter expectations within our communities to uphold cultural traditions and fulfill family roles that are not always recognized or supported in the workplace.
Set Boundaries
Every morning, when the rush begins anew, remember you're not stepping into a superhero suit. You're simply a human navigating the complex world of being a working mother. Some days the scales will tip more towards motherhood, and other days it will tip towards your career. Decide each morning what today's balance will look like and commit to it wholeheartedly.
There were countless days when I wrestled with guilt—feeling I should be with my daughter while at work, and conversely, that I should be working when at home. It took heartfelt reflection to realize that being fully present at the moment—whether at work or with my child—was the genuine path to 'having it all'.
When you're at work, give your all to your professional duties, knowing this doesn't make you any less of a mother. When you're with your children, immerse yourself fully in the joy and chaos of motherhood, knowing your career is still a part of you, just momentarily paused. To support this balance, I created specific boundaries: no staying late, only working after hours or on weekends if absolutely necessary. This commitment to boundaries was key to maintaining my work-life balance, allowing me to manage both roles without compromise.
Prioritize Well-Being
Transition isn't the time to demand perfection of yourself. Acknowledge and attend to your smaller, personal needs. It’s okay to not live up to your highest self-image temporarily. Find comfort in little continuities—whether it's a weekend reading routine, a nightly skincare regimen, or simply making your favorite coffee each morning. These small rituals can provide a sense of normalcy amidst change. They remind you that your well-being remains a priority in the whirlwind of motherhood and professional demands. By prioritizing self-care, you gather the strength to meet both the challenges and joys of your dual roles with resilience and grace.
Embrace Temporary Measures
Just as a house undergoing renovation might need temporary walls, your life may need temporary structures, too. These aren't permanent fixes, but they're essential, creative solutions that hold our lives together as we navigate new realities. These are not permanent solutions but scaffolding that holds your life together while you adapt to new realities. They allow you to continue building your career and nurturing your family, accommodating both without the pressure to finalize every aspect of your life immediately.
And as a woman of color, I know all too well that our options for these setups might look different. Systemic barriers often mean we have to be even more creative with the solutions we craft, given that resources and support might not be as readily available to us.
Resist the Urge for Hasty Decisions
Navigating motherhood and a career can sometimes feel like you're being pulled in two directions at once. In these moments, the temptation to make quick decisions for the sake of immediate control is powerful. This urge can manifest in decisions like returning to full work hours immediately after maternity leave or prematurely declining a project or role that seems too demanding for your new lifestyle.
Seek Support
Navigating life transitions can be daunting, particularly for busy working mothers. It's common to feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or trapped in a cycle of doubt. Yet, it's essential to recognize that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step toward growth and fulfillment.
I’m a life and career transition coach who’s been right where you are. I know the extra challenges we face, especially as a woman of color. I’ve felt the uncertainty, the second-guessing, and yes, the fear. But I’ve also found the joy and pride that come with pushing past those doubts and building a life that’s true to who you are and what you want.
You can do this, and you don’t have to do it alone. Let’s have a heart-to-heart and figure out how you can thrive in your career and as a mom without feeling like you’re sacrificing a piece of yourself.
